On the inside cover of a wedding invitation, I sketched a girl in a swimsuit, her classic bob and high heels coloured grey, standing like a mannequin. Around me were my female schoolmates, fixing their eyes on this paper doll and waiting for its completion. I cut her out and traced the edges of her body, imagining the dress I’d create.
Among the girls, I—their little boy with the talent to portray beauty on paper—was a precious diamond, but for a community of farmers, I was a worthless stone. I’m small and frail. As my neighbours sometimes say, even a puff of wind could blow me away. My dainty voice and Catriona Gray’s walk, too, were reasons why people called me “achaut” [faggot].
Some people in my village even scoffed, “What will you do when you grow up? Farmer? Nat-Win-The [Burmese Version of Drag Queen]?”
I didn’t respond but absorbed their words, a strong insult to my self-esteem and potential, in the back of my mind for years. Gradually, their consistent mockery hardened into a grudge that encouraged me to prove myself as more than these criticisms.
I studied hard in school but still struggled with some maths and English homework in seventh grade. Seeking help from my parents was unlikely: my mum’s scalp suddenly gets itchy when she sees the ABCs, and my dad completed only grade four in a monastic school. Tutoring fees were beyond our affordability. Regardless, my grudge against my tormentors propelled me to forge ahead.
Left with my final resort—autonomy—I asked my dad to buy me a pocket dictionary and a Grade 7 maths answer key. I worked my way backwards from the answers and analysed how each one was obtained. I studied English through translation and dissecting sentences. These simple strategies helped me pass my exams.
About Soe
- Age: 24
- Ethnicity: Burmese
- Country: Myanmar
School & Program
- Education University of Hong Kong
- Bachelor’s, Education; English Studies & Digital Communication
- 1st Year in Program
Goals & Dreams
- Become an English teacher
- Travel to the United Kingdom
- Write a novel
Loan Details
- Loan Amount: $1,300
- Amount Left To Fund: $1,275
- Contract Duration: 10 years
- Status: In School
After the matriculation exam, the grudge spat me onto the Yangon University of Education campus, where Kamayut was teeming with vehicles and students. As I walked, images of the muddy road to school, the farms, and the children working under the blazing sun in my village sprang into my mind. I first came here to prove my capabilities. Now, witnessing that discrepancy and inequity firsthand, sadness pervaded my heart, along with a desire to educate underprivileged children and help them climb out of poverty.
During a semester break, while cooking rice and listening to ‘Better Man’ on my phone, I became intrigued by why ‘something that’ was pronounced as ‘somethinat.’ Uncovering the assimilation of the ‘th’ sound, my passion for linguistics was kindled, and becoming an English teacher became my dream.
Things never occur as they do in dreams, though. In early 2021, widespread unrest swept Myanmar, and I faced a painful choice between justice and the education I had worked so hard to attain. I opted for justice, and the hope of becoming a teacher gradually vanished.
My childhood experience of creating paper dresses then came in useful. Tailoring, which I had learned when I couldn’t find trousers that fit my slender waist, became my source of income. To make a living, however, I couldn’t bear ironing all the time. So I went back to my passion and found a way to volunteer as an English teacher.
In front of my Zoom window, on-the-spot pedagogical decisions startled me, sweat moistening my forehead. Although knowledge-intensive, teaching is fun. It resembles drawing paper dolls—a transformational process—or pattern drafting, as it entails foresight and attention to detail, planning and visualising each step before it unfolds in the classroom.
Reignited with the energy to pursue teaching, I applied for and was accepted into the Pre-Collegiate Program of Yangon (PCP). Thanks to PCP’s support, I am now admitted into the Bachelor of English Studies and Digital Communication and Bachelor of Education programme at the Education University of Hong Kong. I am so excited that I will soon witness my dream becoming a reality.
Written by Soe with editing assistance from Zomia’s volunteer editors.
Soe
“Teaching resembles drawing paper dolls—a transformational process—or pattern drafting, as it entails foresight and attention to detail, planning and visualising each step before it unfolds in the classroom.”
Dr. Ei Ei Hlaing, Director of Operations at the Pre-Collegiate Program of Yangon
“A student who is not only good at academics but also good at social aspects, who can lead a team, and who is responsible and accountable.”
